It's a Cat's Life!

This book of humorous verse contains cat's thoughts, misunderstandings,

proverbs and comments on human nature. They show an insight into cats' natures -

and also into human natures! Cat lovers will recognise the situations described in what may be the most enjoyable book of cat poems since T S Eliot. It will make an excellent present.


About the author: The author read Latin, French and Theology at Cambridge, and was for 38 years Vicar of a Kent village, combined with teaching posts. He now lives near Guildford.


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From It's a Cat's LIfe...



I thought I knew all forms of life,

The ones I mostly see-

The husband and his lady wife

And guests who come to tea.


I've seen the dog that loudly barks,

I've chased a butterfly,

Watched robins, thrushes, even larks,

And swallows in the sky.


Tiniest creatures, spiders, ants,

Upon the ground I've seen:

Giraffes, gorillas, elephants,

Upon the TV screen.


I watch the goldfish in our pool,

As they swim to and fro:

Animals, humans, I've seen them all:

No species I don't know.


Till last week when I discovered

Species not known before:

Sometimes wrapped up well and covered

And sometimes on the floor.


I jumped up to investigate

And curled up by its head:

My people got into a state

"Take off that cat," They said.


It had a kind of human head,

But used no human talk:

Although it was a quadruped,

I did not see it walk.


It did not talk in human words

Or with a human sound:

Its scream was rather like a bird's

That sees me on the ground.


They spoke to It with songs and hums,

Not in their human style

But "Oohs" and "Ahs" and "Diddley Dums"

And tried to make It smile.


Its body was not clothed in hair

Like dog or pussy cat.

Sometimes it lay there quite, quite bare

(And humans don't do that!)


One day they put It on a rug:

It waved its legs about.

They picked It up to have a hug:

It gave a happy shout.


It did not dig or use their loo

(Excuse these words so frank),

It had a cloth to hold its pooh

And - Ugh ! - it really stank.


It drank some milk - so that's Okay -

This drink we cats prefer:

But did not lap the proper way

And did not even purr.


Then when They said, "It's drunk enough"

My folks were quite unkind,

Gave it a thump and pat so rough

And said, "Bring up the wind."


To share my find I could not wait,

But wanted some advice:

I went to see Old Tom my mate,

For Tom is very wise.


Tom laughed - "I can explain it all.

You are a full-grown Cat:

But once you were a Kitten small.

Humans are just like that."


"This 'species strange' of which I hear

Into a man will grow."

Human kitten? An odd idea!

I suppose it could be so.

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